"When we leave the EU, we can have our cake and eat it!"
Boris Johnson
(i)
Write me something about cake
that they don't quite understand
and I'll say it with the conviction
of a man with magic in his hand.
Once I'm in we'll do want we want,
old Dom is a wizard with the press,
they hate him right back but to be honest
for once in my life, I couldn't care less.
(ii)
Well this blasted pandemic's no fun!
I'm on the TV every bloody night,
telling them all to stay at home,
um, hang on ... is this thing right?
Well bugger that old malarkey,
this place needs brightening up.
Decorate our flat with some overpriced tat
and fetch us some bolly to sup.
Invite the house servants and staff
and sod all the legal restrictions.
We are not dreary serfs at funerals
reciting their dull valedictions.
Yes, another top-up here, my dear
and why not one for yourself
and I say, you're a rather fine filly,
here's another drink to your health.
Yesh, get all the chapsh and chappesses round
tell them all the bosh says itsh fine
with a hic and a song and a pause just too long
ash I try to remember my line.
What a jolly fine time we've had
you're all my beshtest friends ever
and if anyone ashks about a party
remember there washn't one, ever!
(iii)
I am very, very sorry to say
there's been a failure of leadership
but if anyone points a finger at me
I'll have to withdraw the whip.
It was a terrible drinking culture
but it wasn't down to me.
I was sat there working in the garden
and someone handed me a G&T.
There were other occasions too
I was failed by my powers of observance
but I shall make it all good
(you just knew that I would)
by sacking my civil servants.
Harry Gallagher
