In our house there were not one but two Christmas miracles! The first was that my mother forgot to watch the transmission of the king’s speech on Christmas Day afternoon, we didn’t mention it and so didn’t have to listen to platitudes or words of wisdom from a man who has almost nothing in common with the common people. The second was that I wasn’t actually ill: every December since I began teaching I have had a holiday plagued by whooping cough, covid, norovirus or influenza transmitted to me from a pupil that should have been sporting a biohazard warning. Hallelujah!
A cure-all
Apparently a major theme of the king’s Christmas broadcast was a focus on community cohesion. A glaring omission, which wasn’t on the script, was that one of the best ways to do this is to reduce inequality. A quick search of the internet suggests that King Charles III has a net worth of over £600mn and inherited assets which have propelled his staggering wealth to over £2bn. There are the country piles including numerous palaces and castles, paintings by Dalí, Monet and Rembrandt, Rolls-Royces, Aston Martins and a Bentley or two, almost priceless diamond-encrusted jewels, racehorses and, his family’s most valuable financial asset, total immunity from inheritance tax. Being a ‘middle class woman of a certain age’ (hat tip to Gregg) rattling off this list reminds me of the prizes on the Generation Game conveyor belt.
Meanwhile, back in the real world, the Joseph Rowntree Foundation suggests that an eye-watering 14 million people in the UK are living in poverty including 4.2 million children and 2.1 million pensioners. This means one in five people are unable to meet the most basic physical needs to stay warm, dry, clean and fed. Most shamefully for our leaders the numbers experiencing destitution has more than doubled between 2017 and 2022 with dire consequences at both the individual level and the social systems that support us all … excluding you Kingy, granted you’ve devoted your life to service, but I think you’re immune to the same daily stresses as your subjects as most of us are exposed to an entirely different level of crap to you.
Do young royals ever get taught the importance of leading by example? I suppose the actions of the dubious Duke of York would suggest not. There was a deadpan comedy moment recently aired on TV when Prince William launched Homewards a programme which ‘aims to demonstrate’ that together it’s possible to end homelessness. The top 1% of ultra-rich in the UK could end homelessness with their pocket change if they truly wished. I’m not anti monarchist per se, I’m just a tad fed up with them lording it over us whilst they stockpile cash in their coffers.
Public Information Broadcast
Although I shy away from royal speeches, I did turn on the goggle box back in March 2020 to hear BoJo finally put us into lockdown during the Covid-19 pandemic. It might have been too late to save thousands of lives but the vast majority of people sat up, listened and followed the guidance. Contrary to many articles in the press, I’ve never worked so hard. Learning how to set and deliver lessons online and attending school for the key worker pupils, whilst trying to avoid infection and care for my own children at home was thoroughly exhausting. Teachers didn’t even get a meaningless clap but I know it took its toll as many of my colleagues have left the profession early as a result, exacerbating the retention and recruitment crisis.
Unfortunately the delay in locking down to prevent transmission means Hubster is just one of the two million people in the UK who are experiencing long covid. Alongside a surge in young people waiting for mental health services it’s no wonder child absences from school are increasing. I hope Mrs F the History teacher has recovered from her fourth chest infection of the year before term starts back otherwise I’ll be covering some of her classes again in my PPA time (Planning, Preparation, and Assessment) but as this is rarely protected in my world it means Perpetually Postponed Activity.
Blockbuster
In the UK the response to Covid was another failure in leadership, albeit from a leader that we elected ourselves, rather than one imposed upon us. Whilst the vast majority of the country followed the rule of law, BoJo and his minions were caught flouting the rules and partying. Consequently, next time they call for the population to be confined it will be more of a challenge. And there will be a next time as pandemics such as zoonotic diseases from intensively farmed animals are spread through international travel and living like sardines in high density housing. We’re setting the stage for the next viral blockbuster. Better keep that hand sanitiser to hand and those masks ready-to-wear!
I wish I hadn’t recently rewatched Contagion, the 2011 sci-fi thriller, where the killer is an airborne virus which developed from a bat infecting a farmed pig. It could be bird flu such as H5N1 or H7N9 but there are also antibiotic-resistant bacteria, vector borne diseases such as malaria or dengue fever on the move northwards as a result of global warming and of course, influenza viruses, those shapeshifting guests that never seem to get old, which could swing by with a brand new look. Hope the PM is prepared to be the bearer of bad news and doesn’t avoid those all important COBRA meetings. It’s no wonder folk seem more insular post pandemic.
Darwin Awards
Our latest biology topic in Year 8 is on pathogens and disease transmission. I make sure they’re aware of the incredible role vaccines have played in disease control and that they should watch out for ticks. Lyme disease is becoming more common as, with fewer mammals to prey on, ticks are increasingly seeking out people.
To ensure the pupils understand how diseases are transmitted we complete the iodine milk demonstration. Each student has a test tube filled with milk, with just one being contaminated by starch. Participants simulate exchanging ‘bodily fluids’ by pouring milk between tubes, with the ‘disease’ represented by the starch. When iodine is added to each test tube after five minutes, the presence of starch causes the solution to turn blue-black, revealing which containers are ‘infected’ while uninfected milk just turns brown. It’s an engaging activity which helps illustrate how diseases spread, the speed of transmission, and how to trace the source of an infection. Pupil G was near tears when I announced it was their tube where the infection started. In hindsight maybe I should have chosen a less sensitive soul to be patient zero. I gently told them not to cry over starched milk.
As the next pandemic takes hold and biomedics are furiously busy developing a vaccine, the anti-vax brigade will be in the waiting list for a Darwin Award which recognises folk who have met their end through sheer stupidity.
Dream on
I was watching a Public Information Broadcast the other day and Starmer was confirming we’re in a climate emergency. He put a halt on any ill-advised expenditure such as the £22bn investment on carbon capture which was ear-marked for the fossil fuel industry and was going to ensure everyone was involved in a series of awareness campaigns including energy, food & water security.
Then I woke up to the same old shit, just another day.
It’s worth watching The Age of Stupid, a British film which combined documentary footage from 2008 with the wonderful Pete Postlethwaite portraying a man living alone in a devastated world of 2055, who asks “Why didn’t we stop climate change when we had the chance?” Nothing much has changed since 2008 and relatively little climate information has been disseminated through vague smoke signals rather than clear messages delivered by hard talking leaders. Regrettably, from personal experience, I know people can find virtue signalling equally repellant.
Double tap
Over the holiday the stormy wet weather meant I was infected with lethargy leading to hours on the sofa in front of the telly. Last night my kids told me off for using the phrase ‘Netflix and chill’ bewildered that I didn’t know it’s a euphemism for sexual activity. Obvs I won’t be using it again. We were watching yet another film with zombies. With advice such as ‘remember to double tap’ I’m starting to think these form psychological preparation for the future. Ultra processed foods & on-demand TV are the bread & circuses of the 21st century keeping the plebs occupied and lazy. Meanwhile Elon Musk, with his astronomical wealth that makes Charles’ fortunes seem like chocolate buttons, fiddles whilst the world, and his Teslas, burn.
I used to tune in to Radio 2 but I’ve turned it off. The presenters keep talking to listeners about their holiday homes in Spain or Greece and how lucky they are to fly out there every couple of months. Maybe I’ll try BBC Radio 4 or I might just switch off from the media altogether so I’m not exposed to the extent people are ignoring all the warning signs. Transmission can be dangerous in many ways but, now that the weather has turned crisp and cold, it’s high time for some fresh air and exercise which will keep viruses and mindless trivia at bay.
Note to self: Wash the chicken feeders in the coop and the bird feeders in the garden again as it’s months since I last gave them a good clean. We don’t want our smallholding to be the next ground zero transmission point for an avian flu pandemic, I’d never live it down with my fellow chicken mothers.
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