Life is never dull on the smallholding but even for us, what happened last week was pretty eventful. Looking for greener grass around 13 young cows escaped from a paddock up the lane, came in through our gate and started chomping their way through the meadow. In itself this was not a major issue as a little grazing, mooing and pooing are all fine.
The problems started when the farmer came to collect his cows. He zoomed down on a quad bike to round up the herd, which became comically like an old-fashioned Benny Hill sketch, until it sent them into a stampede through the orchard. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional but one of the bovine beasts knocked over one of our most beloved trees, Beauty of Bath. A small dessert apple, with pale, yellow-green skin, flushed with red and cream flesh which is sweet when ripe and is best eaten straight off the tree. We’ve propped Beauty up and strapped the truck as trees can heal themselves, but any tree-hugger positive vibes sent in this direction would be much appreciated.
Bullshit
I’ve been stewing for a week, but I’ve still got beef with the UK Government’s announcement on giving £22 billion of funding for carbon capture technology which in effect is another subsidy to enable the fossil fuel industry to keep extracting and burning oil and gas. It is an eye watering amount, and the vast majority of climate scientists are sceptical it will be money well spent.
The strategy has got a whiff of manure about it that makes me feel nauseous. I spend my days teaching children skills in Working Scientifically but maybe all my efforts are wasted as, if they actually choose a career in STEM, it’s likely no one in politics will listen to their scientific arguments.
Teach the Future, a campaign by students to greatly improve teaching on the climate emergency and ecological crisis, hit the bullseye last week with an analysis of the funding required to get all primary and secondary schools in the UK to Net Zero by 2030 and sort out issues such as RAAC roofs falling in.
Spending
At the current rate of spending, set by the previous government at £221 million per year, it will take DfE 81 years to decarbonise the school estate. DfE’s own analysis states it needs £2 billion each year to meet the 2035 interim legally binding targets. You don’t need to be a maths teacher to work out 11 years x £2 billion = (you guessed it) £22 billion. So, the funding going to support the fossil fuel industry could actually be money to ensure young people learn in safe, climate resilient environments and have a robust education for sustainability.
Obviously, I’m but a mere teacher but I do know that schools and mental health in young people are in crisis and could really do with more support. Sometimes it’s hard to cope with bullshit politics and policies.
Bullseye
Last week was also time for one of my favourite practical’s, of the year. I popped down to the local butcher to collect a bag of eyeballs so that Year 9 could conduct a cow eye dissection. The students are utterly squeamish but enthralled by prodding, poking, cutting and slicing into the rubbery eyeballs. The first incision releases the aqueous and vitreous humours.
I was none too impressed by Pupil F in 9J making a pinhole in his specimen and squeezing it to produce a fine jet of spray that covered books of his group in the ooze but luckily everyone thought it was entertaining. I actually like student books to reflect that practical work takes place as a spotless exercise book demonstrates a lack of hands-on science activities.
Some bullseye were bought by me to celebrate the teams which worked well together without losing any fingers or letting their cow eye roll off the table and had explained the function of the different tissues, cornea, lens, iris, sclera and retina. Pupil F’s group complained that he had ruined their chances, but I actually gave everyone a sweet in the end. It might go against our healthy school policy but putting a gobstopper in everyone’s mouth meant I could catch a few moments of relative peace on Friday afternoon. You have to find the quick wins when you can.
Hoof-shaped bull footprints
I’m still nagging the catering manager and HT to ditch beef from the school dinner menus. It has the highest carbon footprint of foods we serve. Beef production is responsible for eye-watering levels of greenhouse gas emissions, including methane, which is a potent greenhouse gas. To produce an average sized serving of 100g releases ~50 kg of greenhouse gases. Cattle also need large amounts of feed and are kept on land which is often deforested to produce pasture.
Alongside this, producing beef requires an immense amount of water. On average, it takes about 7,000 litres of water to produce just 500g of meat. This includes the water used for growing feed crops, drinking water, and processing the meat. It’s a staggering amount compared to other protein sources like chicken or plant-based proteins. There are then further issues with the handling of manure which can lead to water pollution, affecting local waterways and ecosystems.
Hubster and I used to eat beef regularly, then it became occasional for high days and holidays. Now we consider the environmental impact of beef to be so immense that there are no high days and holidays important enough for us to buy it. We’re still aware of the impacts of dairy herds but we have a few more challenges giving up milk products as the plant-based versions of cheese just don’t quite tick all the boxes compared to roquefort, brie and halloumi.
Maybe we could have something like Alcoholics Anonymous for those of us who would like to give up produce from animals entirely but really struggle to cut all ties? Actually, a quick look on social media suggests there are such groups… maybe I’ll make it my New Year’s resolution to join one.
Milking it
The latest report by the UN on the state of our precious wildlife is damning with a 73% decline since 1970. To counteract this, the number of good news articles on rewilding projects is increasing. One which caught my attention is that a herd of long horned Tauros cattle are to be released into a Highlands rewilding project to replicate the ecological role of the aurochs, an extinct, huge herbivore that is the wild ancestor of cattle.
Trees for Life, a rewilding charity, is planning to create the first British herd on an estate near Loch Ness, in a research project aimed at enhancing biodiversity, education and ecotourism. It would be incredible to get to see these animals up close as a standard cow is pretty darn huge already.
Belgium blue bull
In our genetics topic in Year 9 we study the Belgium blue bull. You really have to look up a picture of them as they are utterly fascinating with an extremely lean, hyper-sculpted, ultra-muscular physique. They’ve been genetically created by selective breeding of animals with a gene mutation and artificial insemination.
A great starter question in class to get as much engagement as possible might be to pose the question ‘who would win a bull fight between a Tauros and a Belgium blue’. My money would probably be on the Tauros as even though the Blues are ripped, they just look too domesticated.
A fear of being trampled
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a city mouse and have a real fear of being chased and trampled by cows. I know if you’re on a walk and a herd approaches you should move away as calmly as possible and drop the dog’s lead if you have one. Cattle don’t mean to be bullies as they are just being inquisitive or protecting their calves.
In fact, the etymology of the word bully, rather than having a bovine stem, is probably from Middle Dutch boele meaning ‘lover’. The current sense only dates from the mid 19th century; one who is habitually cruel or threatening to others who are weaker or smaller. I bet any bully in school would be a little surprised that that term was originally a term of endearment.
Nonetheless, the potential for disaster with cows, or even worse a bull, always puts me off taking school groups on walks through the countryside as the risk assessments are huge, and if we did get chased, could I actually be the fearless leader the pupils would need to get them to safety, or would I lack the necessary bravado and just try to save myself?
Note to self: Take bull by the horns and sort out the school’s Climate Action Plan. We can add a section on reducing the environmental impact of school dinners by decreasing the amount of beef – as no member of the SLT is likely to read it before its approval we can probably get some positive action through on the sly – that’s something that I have learned from certain politicians!
