There is something about the boys’ toilets in school. They always smell bad. I mean really bad. It’s the kind of smell that makes your nose hairs curl up and beg for mercy, while your brain frantically searches for an escape route. I try to find a different way to get to the other end of the building but their location on the main corridor means I have to pass by the doorway to olfactory hell at least a couple of times a day.
The issue has been reported to the dutiful caretaker countless times, but he’s as nonplussed as the rest of us and has started to simply make bad toilet humour jokes such as “What did the toilet paper say to the toilet paper holder? I’m feeling wiped out!”.
Saving paper
In this week’s staff meeting the HT has asked us to crack down on using any resources, not so much in a ‘saving the planet’ kind of way but in a ‘the purse is empty’ way. The state funding we receive is simply failing to cover the costs of running a medium-sized school. It was hard not to smirk as she told us the sweeping instruction applies to everything from no new rubbers for Miss M the Art teacher to no new balls for Mr L the PE teacher. Apparently we just have to be creative. Maybe this is where my push towards sustainability across school can really start!
The new ruling on resource use also applies to toilet paper in the staff restrooms. The HT obviously seems to think we are being profligate but the reality is we only manage to get to the loo in the occasional minute or so we have spare each day, and it’s unlikely any member of staff has the chance to take a number two unless absolutely desperate. I suppose we should be grateful we get the use of any facilities at all. I wouldn’t put it past her to reintroduce the scratchy IZAL medicated toilet paper to reduce use and therefore cost; thank goodness it’s been discontinued so we can avoid the accompanying pain to our anal sphincters.
World toilet day
19 November was World Toilet Day. Across the world around 45% of the population, ~3.6 billion people, don’t have access to toilets and many more don’t have effective sewage management systems. Living without these services makes people susceptible to disease and, for women without safe toilets, vulnerable to violence. In school the eco committee decided to mark the event with a dress down day where everyone could wear brown or yellow to represent poo or wee. I managed to persuade them that blue might be also a good colour as otherwise the photos for social media might make them look a bit like a bunch of overripe bananas.
Toilets and effective sewage systems are taken for granted in the developed world. In assembly, to develop empathy on what it’s like to live without sanitation systems, we showed a clip from Slumdog Millionaire where Jamal jumps into a cesspit to get the autograph of his favourite Bollywood star. We then shared solutions which are simple and nature based like composting toilet blocks or reed beds which naturally filter the water. As with many of these things, what is needed is funding.
So we had (yet another) cake sale and raised well over £200 which we’ll donate to Toilet Twinning to install safe sanitation facilities in less developed countries. The bakers were enthusiastic with their use of blue food colouring and many teachers complained to me that the children were more hyperactive than normal after lunch.
Wrapped up
On Wednesday my Year 7s were studying how to clean water using filtration. Given the unusual sub-zero temperatures we wrapped up, went outside and, inspired by survival expert Bear Grylls, made filters from moss, sand and pebbles. We tested them using some ‘dirty water’. I said it was pond water but was actually just a bit of soil mixed with tap water as the pond had frozen over, not one child commented, we really need to work on their observation skills.
We returned inside and talked about reducing water waste by turning off taps, adding hippos to toilet cisterns and reporting leaks. I glowed with pride when Pupil F started to make links to the circular economy. However, Pupil D smugly suggested that it was obvious toilet paper could not be part of the circular economy because we flushed it away. So, we discussed the sustainability of toilet paper made using recycled materials which reduces the need for virgin wood pulp, conserving trees or bamboo so reducing environmental impact.
The students did their research; when toilet paper is flushed, it becomes part of the sewage system. As sewage is treated, the organic matter, including toilet paper, breaks down during anaerobic digestion, producing biogas, a renewable energy source. This biogas can be used to generate electricity, contributing to sustainable energy production. The remaining sludge can be processed into fertiliser, completing the cycle of resource recovery. Thus, even something as simple as toilet paper can play a role in the circular economy by helping to produce energy from sewage. That wrapped the lesson up nicely.
Leaves to Smart Toilets
My discussion with Year 7s made me think that we could really do a whole project on inequality just by looking at how we clean our bums after going to the toilet. In developed countries, toilet paper is readily available with an array of options in terms of softness, strength, colour and eco-friendliness. However, in many developing regions, access to toilet paper is limited or non-existent, forcing people to rely on alternative materials like leaves or water (I could make a lovely History link to the use of sponges on sticks at a local Roman fort), which can lead to hygiene issues and health risks.
Access to high-tech smart toilets, often found in the most developed countries, further illustrates global inequality in WCs. These toilets, equipped with features such as heated seats, automatic flushing, music and self-cleaning functionality, provide a high level of hygiene and comfort but use far more energy and water. Contrary to popular belief there is no evidence Trump has a gold privy but King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia did gift a toilet made completely from gold to his daughter on her marriage. It’s slightly comic that a usable solid gold toilet worth £4.8mn, part of an art installation entitled America by Maurizio Cattelan (the artist also behind the £5m banana duct-taped to a wall), was stolen from Blenheim Palace but has never been recovered.
I won’t mention the use of leaves for sanitary purposes to the HT, she might suggest using natural materials is one of the solutions to her cost-cutting exercise. I often talk with children about the difference between wanting something and needing something. Toilet paper is one of the few essentials, other than food, clothes and shelter, that I would actually say I need. The mass hoarding of bog roll at the start of the pandemic would suggest many people feel the same.
Running amok
The amount of sewage released into the seas around the UK by our appalling water companies is grim. Hubster and I went for a wander on the seaside last week with Mabel and, whilst stunning in the autumn light, there was an aroma that reminded me of the boys toilets at school. It seems the water industry has taken a permanent laissez-faire attitude to the dilute and disperse approach to waste management. Unfortunately a bit of longshore drift means much of the sewage ends up back on the beach further along the coast.
I know I’m a self-confessed worrywart but the recent scientific dialogue on the weakening of the AMOC (Atlantic Meridional Overturning Circulation) is starting to keep me awake at night. The AMOC is part of a global conveyor belt of ocean currents, driven by differences in temperature and salinity. Warm, salty water from the tropics travels north, cools, and sinks in the North Atlantic, then flows back southwards at depth before eventually rising again. The system plays a crucial role in regulating global climate by distributing heat and influencing weather patterns.
Recent studies suggest that the AMOC is weakening due to climate change, primarily because of increased ocean heat content and freshwater from melting ice sheets. The potential collapse of the AMOC, which is likely by 2100, will have significant and far-reaching impacts on global climate and weather patterns, including severe cooling in Northern Europe (it could be a frigid -300C) and substantial sea-level rise along the east coast of the USA. It’s enough to make me just let the children run amok.I know it might be disruptive to the routine of the school day but honestly, they might well need to be filtering their own water using sand and moss at this rate, once they’ve defrosted the ice that is!
Note to self: Remember to take my own emergency toilet paper into school. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
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