The harsh realities of caring for a partner with dementia are laid bare in a moving campaign launched this week by Alzheimer’s Society. Couples from across the UK have opened their hearts about the devastating impact the condition has had on their relationship.
For many, a dementia diagnosis marks the beginning of an often-difficult transition from being in an intimate relationship, to becoming a carer – fulfilling the ultimate vow of staying together ‘in sickness and in health’.
By highlighting the changing nature of intimate relationships following a dementia diagnosis the charity shines a light on the challenges couples face and is urging its supporters to help it reach more people by donating to the cause.
The new campaign
The campaign features an emotional TV ad which shows how dementia can change the dynamics of a relationship, as well as a radio ad narrated by actor Colin Firth.
Meanwhile, Mary McCartney, Sir Paul McCartney’s daughter, has taken photographs of couples affected by dementia that will appear on billboards from this week.
“A love so powerful it could not be broken”
Bill Wilson, of Jesmond, Newcastle, knows all about the pain of seeing a loved one with dementia deteriorate, and the strain it can put on a relationship.
His wife, Dr Jo Wilson, a respected and successful career woman, began having memory problems around 2018 and was finally diagnosed with dementia in 2020. She died in January, with Bill at her side.
After the devastating diagnosis, Bill became his wife’s main carer, and is now a passionate campaigner for the rights of people affected by dementia.
He said: “It’s devastatingly hard to watch the woman you love starting to disappear from your life, starting to fade away. After over 50 years together, Jo was leaving me and it was like, ‘I don’t want you to leave me. I need you here with me’.
“The bad times were worse than your most horrible nightmare. Feelings of loneliness and anxiety are heightened. Time and again I struggled to access the right help and support following Jo’s diagnosis.
“All the time I was desperately looking for a hint of the wife I remember. It’s worse than tough – it’s horrendous. You’re soul-searching every single day, you’re looking for the slightest crumb of positivity that you can hang on to by your fingernails and having to do it alone, unsupported.
“Recently someone said our story vividly depicted a desperately cruel disease, institutional failures but also a love so powerful it could not be broken.”
The photo shoots
Talking about the photo shoots, Mary McCartney said: “I’ve always been drawn to people and their relationships, focusing my photography on discovering those rare moments of unguarded, emotionally charged intimacy.
“That’s why I wanted to be part of this campaign for Alzheimer’s Society. To visually highlight these relationships and the cherished moments within – moments which become challenged due to dementia. I hope these images help to raise awareness of both dementia and the crucial work of Alzheimer’s Society.”
“A huge sense of hope”
Broadcaster and writer Richard Madeley, an Alzheimer’s Society supporter, is also backing the campaign. He said: “Alzheimer’s Society’s new campaign brings home how caring for a partner with dementia truly fulfils the ultimate marriage vow of ‘in sickness and health’.
“The campaign doesn’t shrink from shining a light on the harsh realities of living with dementia, while showing how love has its own extraordinary power to shine through the darkest times and uplift battered spirits.
“My mum had dementia so I know how tough it can be. She died before the illness fully progressed, but my sister and I had direct, personal experience of the growing challenges it presents.
“There’s a huge sense of hope that’s unmistakably transmitted by the couples involved in this extraordinarily moving campaign – and that’s directly thanks to Alzheimer’s Society. Because of their support, people don’t have to face dementia alone.”
Alzheimer’s Society
There are currently 900,000 people living with the condition in the UK, including more than 39,000 across the North East. The national figure is expected to rise to almost 1.6 million by 2040.
Helen Mayne, Area Manager for Alzheimer’s Society in Northumberland, Tyne and Wear and Durham, said:”A third of us will develop dementia in our lifetimes, making it the biggest health and social care challenge we face. Caring for a partner with dementia is fulfilling the ultimate relationship vow, but navigating your way through ‘in sickness and in health’ can be overwhelming.
“Our vow to people affected by dementia is that we will be there, we will provide hope, and we will help you climb those mountains. But we simply can’t reach everyone and that’s why we’re calling on the public to donate. This is not a problem that is going away – the number of people living with dementia is only going up.
“Our website saw a massive 12,000% increase in visitors following news that actor Bruce Willis was diagnosed with dementia. It’s a hugely useful resource for anyone looking to learn more about the condition.
“I would encourage anyone with questions and concerns to visit at alzheimers.org.uk to learn more and to donate so we can be there for even more people.”
In addition to a ‘relationships hub’ on Alzheimer’s Society’s website where people can find advice, people affected by dementia can access ‘peer-to-peer’ support by visiting Talking Point, the charity’s online forum.
Unconditional vow
Richard Madeley added: “Judy and I made our own vows all those years ago – to stick with each other in sickness and in health, not knowing what the future held, and not knowing what was or wasn’t certain, except for our unconditional commitment to the other.
“In a similar way, Alzheimer’s Society makes an unconditional vow to support anyone affected by dementia. But, of course, the charity needs funding to be able to follow through on that promise. So, I would really encourage people to visit alzheimers.org.uk, and then donate. It’s a fantastic cause and it’s never been more needed.”
