I felt compelled as a childfree woman and entrepreneur, to respond to JD Vance’s remarks about Kamala Harris being a “miserable childless cat lady” who doesn’t deserve a stake in the future of America, as she doesn’t have children.
This narrative has been an underlying commentary, I have had to swerve and navigate most of my adult life. I have been on a journey to acceptance and kindness towards myself, although the journey has been hard and painful along the course.
Outdated remarks
JD Vance’s remarks are outdated, divisive and harmful and there has been a media backlash from Hollywood stars, to activists, to female leaders across the globe. He must be reminded that the US forefather George Washington had no biological children of his own, did he not have a stake in the future of the United States of America?
This rhetoric is used to reduce women’s status in professional life, to none other than a baby making machine and for women to know their place. Men like Vance and Trump, who have gone on to endorse Vance’s viewpoint, feel threatened by powerful women like Kamala Harris, and result in spouting vile misogynistic comments to keep women from rising up.
Societal narrative
There has been a societal narrative that women should conform to the traditional roles as mother and wife since dawn began. As more women are choosing their own paths, taking leadership roles, becoming breadwinners, and moving away from the patriarchal systems, there is a condemnation of women for not staying in their lane.
During my potentially childbearing years, the comments or inquiry into my marital and reproductive status was often a topic that was easily questioned at work, personal and social events, as if talking about the weather. I have not witnessed the same remarks or pity calls to men, although I am sure single childfree men endure similar questioning although less disharmonious.
Today we see that women are making great leaders in the world of politics, business, creative arts, technology, and science. Many are not mothers or conform to traditional female roles. It seems you are damned if you are a mother, (exhausted, stressed-out, still doing the large proportion of child-rearing and domesticated chores) and damned if you don’t have children.
What I am trying to stress is that you are not less than if you have not taken the traditional motherhood route, for whatever reason, we are all important participants in our society and contributors to our communities.
Childfree women
The childless woman, although I prefer the more positive term – childfree, has had strong archetypal depictions, all negative connotations throughout history and storytelling. She is depicted as the witch, the crone, the evil stepmother, the hag. Rarely seen as the powerful, independent, and creative woman.
I learnt many of these forced societal views from Gateway Women Founder Jody Day. In society’s view, we are viewed as less than, less fulfilled and unhappy, yearning for something else. How did this narrative transpire? Was this narrative forced upon us to keep us in our place?
Rebecca Solnitt
I was inspired by the American author Rebecca Solnitt when I was on my journey into deciding to be childfree. She wrote a piece in the New Yorker some decades ago, about how her friends who have made significant contributions in the fields of climate change, social justice, and science, have chosen not to be parents and that has allowed them to birth their solutions to their cause and give back to society. If they had had children, this might have not been the case.
They were given the time and opportunity to excel in their field. Solnit birthed many great pieces of literature and commentary and being childfree gave her that space. Including her book – The Mother of All Questions.
No one should be judged negatively on their decision making about children
Not having children should be seen as a legitimate and respectable decision, and no woman (or man) should be judged negatively on their decision making or life choices. This is called democracy. They should not have to endure pity, shame, or guilt.
The younger generation also needs positive role models, who have different roles in their lives, and they do not have to be the traditional mother and father role. The saying “It takes a village to raise a child” seems very important in this debate. We all have active roles in the future of our planet and future generations, not only as direct parental figures but as active participants in our collective society.
