I would describe myself as an Americanophile and have celebrated the fourth of July on many occasions. Two in particular stand out: 1976, the 200th anniversary, when I was at Kernforschungsanlage Jülich, W Germany, and 1980, when I was at the Grand Canyon, Arizona.
The 200th anniversary was joyous. 4 July was on a Sunday, and the Americans in the institution (now renamed Forschungszentrum Jülich) hosted a major party. I was a third-year physics student at University College Dublin, on a DAAD scholarship, and had just turned 20. Two of my dearest lifelong American friends, Diane and Beverley, were there, joining in the celebration. A barbecue, American folk music, square dancing, etc, in the glorious 1976 sunshine. Both Beverley and Diane were first-year Science undergraduates at Cornell. Both later earned PhDs. Beverley ended up at Harvard and Diane at MIT. Diane is currently the president and founding director of Epistimi, a non-profit organisation whose mission is to advance, expand, and encourage women’s leadership and presence in STEMM around the globe.
I ended up doing a large chunk of my PhD in the US, based at the Harvard-Smithsonian Astrophysical Observatory in Mt. Hopkins, Arizona. On 4 July 1980, I was camping on the south rim of the Grand Canyon with a fellow UCD PhD student, Pat Murphy. There was a stupendous fireworks display, with one of the greatest backdrops in the world. A few years later, Pat married the award-winning author Kim Murphy and became an American citizen. I was best man at their wedding. Pat obtained a PhD and worked at the National Radio Observatory in Charlottesville until his retirement last year.
Many of our readers will have had similar experiences, and many Irish and Britons see the US as a country with which they have a special relationship. I have American friends and cousins who are among the finest people I know. Many readers like me will also have visited the US many times and studied and/or worked there.
I had expected to return to the US after finishing my PhD in 1981, but the position disappeared after Reagan became president. A few years later, in 1984/85, I had multiple opportunities, but my then-wife, M, refused to go.
The contrast between the 200th and 250th anniversaries is quite remarkable. Nostalgia may play a part: the contrast between my 20-year-old and 70-year-old self is there, but I am truly frightened that the US is moving towards, at best, a second Gilded Age and, at worst, a Neo-Fascist Dystopia. This is largely due to the rise of Trump, who was contained in his first presidency, but in his second has surrounded himself with sycophants and loyalists, utterly dominated the Republican Party, and stuffed the Supreme Court full of loyalist Judges.
Many have described the relationship of the Republican Party with Trump as an abusive marriage. As indeed has the relationship between the UK and Trump. As someone who was in an actual abusive marriage with someone with very similar personality traits to Trump, a few insights might be useful.
Personality disorders, abusive marriages, and Trump
Unaware that severe personality disorder existed in 1984, I married my first wife, M, after a whirlwind romance. The marriage ended in 1990. Had it not been for our son, born on 1885, it would have been much earlier. M had a range of cluster B personality disorders, which would now be defined as the dark triad: Psychopathy, Narcissism, and Machiavellianism. She was remarkably similar in personality type to Trump, so I hope she can provide some valuable insights and advice. I have been fortunate enough never to have met Trump, but can see many similarities.
Blinded by love, I failed to see the psychological abuse I was enduring. The reality only became undeniable when she turned her cruelty toward our four-year-old son, whose emotional suffering led to his placement on the Leeds Child Protection Register and a referral to psychiatric care at High Royds Hospital, near Leeds. Only then did I truly understand the depth of her inhumanity. The Consultant Psychiatrist pulled me aside and quietly assured me there was nothing wrong with my son. Instead, the real concern was my wife, who, he explained, had severe antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) with unmistakable psychopathic traits. I remember asking, “Is it fair to call her a psychopath?” The psychiatrist nodded, explaining that while the term isn’t formally used anymore, in her case, it absolutely applied.
Escape
I had a lot of sunk cost fallacy with M. The reality was that escape was the only option. Nothing would ever change her mind, as she was invincible, infallible and perfect in her fantasised world.
My life seemed empty when I walked out, particularly as she got custody of our son, but within a year I had a fabulous Geordie girlfriend, Karen, and found true love.
For Republicans and Trump supporters in the US, I would advise that there is life after Trump, indeed a far better life. Trump, like M, doesn’t care about you, or cares only insofar as you can be exploited to his advantage. When gaslighted, it is difficult to see reality, but it took me six years for the penny to drop. That is not so much longer than Trump has been president, and hopefully the same will happen with many Trump followers.
My advice is that Trump is irredeemable. He should be ignored and shunned. Appeasement will fail. The good news is that the penny is starting to drop, with the charge being led by Mark Carney. The Italian PM, Meloni, who shares many right-wing views with MAGA, also sees Trump as a liability.
At the recent G7 meeting in France, there was a general feeling that Trump had lost the room and his shtick no longer works.
The 200th anniversary
At 200, American democracy seemed very strong. The recent Watergate Scandal, which led to President Nixon’s resignation, proved the systems of checks and balances were working, and the Republican Party in particular believed in truth and due process rather than blind loyalty to the president. The Vietnam War, which had been a stain on the administration, was over.
The rules-based order set up after WWII seemed secure. Things looked rosy in 1976; I thought the US was the greatest country on Earth, and I had absolutely no hesitation about moving there three years later to pursue my PhD.
The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there – L P Hartley
The 250th Anniversary
America is a much darker place at age 250 than 200. Its democracy has never seemed weaker.
Trump is orders of magnitude more corrupt than Nixon; if Watergate occurred today, it would be a story forgotten within a day of the news cycle. Indeed, JD Vance said as much last week. This reflects weakness rather than strength and shows how corrupt the US has become.
The US resembles a mafia state with an arch abuser in the White House. How on earth could most Americans have voted for this man? (Of course I feel the same about the UK about Brexit, so what do I know?) I also married M, utterly unaware of her true character or past.
I utterly despaired when Trump was re-elected, and things seemed bleak. The level of destruction in the first year was shocking.
I am, however, more hopeful on this 4 July. Trump’s desire to make the 250th celebration all about him has backfired. The utter incompetence of the upgrade to the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, plagued by an algal bloom and peeling American-flag blue paint, is such a good metaphor for Trump’s incompetent destruction. And of course he will find many scapegoats to blame.
The Great American State Fair, modelled on the World Fair, was billed as “an unforgettable celebration of the people and traditions that define our nation”, and “feature a renewal of patriotism and national pride under this President’s leadership.” It proved to be unforgettable, but not in the way Trump would have liked it. Plagued by cancelled artists, power outages, and near-zero attendance. It seems Americans are voting with their feet. Trump is apparently livid.
Conclusion
America seems to be in a very dark place on its 250th birthday, but there are hopeful signs that the scales are falling from people’s eyes and revealing Trump for the monstrosity he is. I am hopeful that the midterm elections will produce a majority in both the House and Senate and that healing can begin.
Having been married to someone with a very similar psychological profile to Trump, there comes a tipping point when the charm, lies, gaslighting and outright bullying no longer work. I believe the US is reaching that tipping point with Trump, and a brighter future will not be so far away.
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