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              Howay the lads and lasses: the new football foodbank season ‘22/23

              Summer, Lower East Side. Weegee Ⓒ ICP (International Center of Photography)

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              Home Region Co. Durham

              The Durham Dom

              A new take on 'The Lambton Worm' by Kim Sanderson

              Kim SandersonbyKim Sanderson
              26-05-2021 14:05
              in Co. Durham, Poetry, Wearside
              Internet Archive Book Images, No restrictions, via Wikimedia Commons

              Internet Archive Book Images, No restrictions, via Wikimedia Commons

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               One murky morn the Tories went
               A-fishing' in the sewer;
               An' catched a fish upon their heuk,
               They thowt leuk't very queer.
               But what a kind of fish it was
               The Tories couldn’t tell.
               So they hired it to advise them – shoulda
               Hoyed it doon the well!
                
               Whisht! Lads, haad yor gobs,
               An a'll tell yis aall an aaful story
               Whisht! Lads, haad yor gobs,
               An' a'll tell ye 'boot the Dom.
                
               The Tories felt inclined te gan
               An' fight amang themselves.
               Some joined a Brexit troop who cared
               Fo’ foreigners nor friends
               An' off they went t’austerity
               Where queer things them befell,
               They very soon forgot the Dom – shoulda 
               Hoyed it doon the well!
                
               Well Dom’s ego growed and growed and growed
               An' growed an aaful size;
               He'd great big cheek, a greet big reach,
               An' great big goggly eyes.
               An' when at neets he craaled about
               To stay out of the news,
               He’d never stop upon the road,
               Not even for the loo.
                
               This feorful Dom wad often feed
               On anyone that’s weak,
               An' make them swally all his lies
               An’ folla him like sheep.
               An' when he'd fooled them aall he cud
               An' he was quite replete,
               He craaled away and lapped his tail
               Ten times roond Downing Street. 
               
               The news of this myest aaful Dom,
               His viral gannins on
               Soon leaked out, got to the ears
               Of committees and so on.
               So oot they came an' summon’d Dom
               With questions on the cards,
               Noo we’d see herd immunity –
               Folk led like lambs and calves.
                
               So soon we’ll knaa how all the folks
               On both sides of the Wear
               Lost lots o' lives an' lots o' sleep
               An' lived in mortal feor.
               And noo we’ll knaa if anyone 
               Will keep the bairns from harm,
               An’ who’s cost lives with aal their lies 
               Alangside Durham Dom! 
              To the tune of The Lambton Worm
              Lyrics by Kim Sanderson
              Tags: Culture
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