One murky morn the Tories went
A-fishing' in the sewer;
An' catched a fish upon their heuk,
They thowt leuk't very queer.
But what a kind of fish it was
The Tories couldn’t tell.
So they hired it to advise them – shoulda
Hoyed it doon the well!
Whisht! Lads, haad yor gobs,An a'll tell yis aall an aaful storyWhisht! Lads, haad yor gobs,An' a'll tell ye 'boot the Dom.
The Tories felt inclined te gan
An' fight amang themselves.
Some joined a Brexit troop who cared
Fo’ foreigners nor friends
An' off they went t’austerity
Where queer things them befell,
They very soon forgot the Dom – shoulda
Hoyed it doon the well!
Well Dom’s ego growed and growed and growed
An' growed an aaful size;
He'd great big cheek, a greet big reach,
An' great big goggly eyes.
An' when at neets he craaled about
To stay out of the news,
He’d never stop upon the road,
Not even for the loo.
This feorful Dom wad often feed
On anyone that’s weak,
An' make them swally all his lies
An’ folla him like sheep.
An' when he'd fooled them aall he cud
An' he was quite replete,
He craaled away and lapped his tail
Ten times roond Downing Street.
The news of this myest aaful Dom,
His viral gannins on
Soon leaked out, got to the ears
Of committees and so on.
So oot they came an' summon’d Dom
With questions on the cards,
Noo we’d see herd immunity –
Folk led like lambs and calves.
So soon we’ll knaa how all the folks
On both sides of the Wear
Lost lots o' lives an' lots o' sleep
An' lived in mortal feor.
And noo we’ll knaa if anyone
Will keep the bairns from harm,
An’ who’s cost lives with aal their lies
Alangside Durham Dom!
To the tune of The Lambton Worm
Lyrics by Kim Sanderson
