Poetry Corner

The Durham Dom

The Lambton Worm from wikimedia commons
 One murky morn the Tories went
 A-fishing' in the sewer;
 An' catched a fish upon their heuk,
 They thowt leuk't very queer.
 But what a kind of fish it was
 The Tories couldn’t tell.
 So they hired it to advise them – shoulda
 Hoyed it doon the well!
  
 Whisht! Lads, haad yor gobs,
 An a'll tell yis aall an aaful story
 Whisht! Lads, haad yor gobs,
 An' a'll tell ye 'boot the Dom.
  
 The Tories felt inclined te gan
 An' fight amang themselves.
 Some joined a Brexit troop who cared
 Fo’ foreigners nor friends
 An' off they went t’austerity
 Where queer things them befell,
 They very soon forgot the Dom – shoulda 
 Hoyed it doon the well!
  
 Well Dom’s ego growed and growed and growed
 An' growed an aaful size;
 He'd great big cheek, a greet big reach,
 An' great big goggly eyes.
 An' when at neets he craaled about
 To stay out of the news,
 He’d never stop upon the road,
 Not even for the loo.
  
 This feorful Dom wad often feed
 On anyone that’s weak,
 An' make them swally all his lies
 An’ folla him like sheep.
 An' when he'd fooled them aall he cud
 An' he was quite replete,
 He craaled away and lapped his tail
 Ten times roond Downing Street. 
 
 The news of this myest aaful Dom,
 His viral gannins on
 Soon leaked out, got to the ears
 Of committees and so on.
 So oot they came an' summon’d Dom
 With questions on the cards,
 Noo we’d see herd immunity –
 Folk led like lambs and calves.
  
 So soon we’ll knaa how all the folks
 On both sides of the Wear
 Lost lots o' lives an' lots o' sleep
 An' lived in mortal feor.
 And noo we’ll knaa if anyone 
 Will keep the bairns from harm,
 An’ who’s cost lives with aal their lies 
 Alangside Durham Dom! 

To the tune of The Lambton Worm

Lyrics by Kim Sanderson