Imagine the excitement when the Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party, Matt Vickers gets a message that CCHQ is setting up a fact-finding mission and a hands across the ocean trip to the USA.
So, like an excited puppy, he is trying to guess where he is going…
It’s got to be somewhere brilliant, where he will meet an influential and well known Republican, he is Deputy Chairman after all.
Might be New York and Elise Stepanick, wowser!, Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty etc.
California, and Kevin McCarthy, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Hollywood baby!
Texas and Chip Roy, always wanted to go to Dallas. Might bring some oil back with me!
He starts messaging his parmo pals to go to his local hostelry to celebrate. When I say local, I don’t really mean local, I mean Yarm. Doesn’t want to be seen in Stockton or Thornaby, gosh no! He’s better than that.
He arrives in the pub, orders a ‘Bud’, a ‘Sam Adams’, and a Jack Daniels to go with his parmo and french fries (not chips). It’s all got to be American, because nothing says USA more than ‘french fries’.
His excitement is there for everyone to see, so much so that the landlord has to ask him to calm down, he’s getting so wound up, there’s a definite possibility the puppy is gonna dry hump the other patrons’ legs.
He wakes up the next morning when his phone beeps, really tired because it took hours to get to sleep, with the anticipation.
This is it!
Where is he going?
Oh please let it be New York!!! He wants to see the Statue of Liberty. He loves the poem:
“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me.”
A beautiful sentiment, but not for us obviously!
Where’s Nebraska? Is it even a place?
He’s not one to be down for long though, at least he’ll be able to do a day trip to New York, it can’t be that far away. Should still get to see the New York Yankees.
“Siri!, how far is Omaha, Nebraska from New York City”?
“It is 1242 miles from Omaha, Nebraska to New York City”
“Nooooooo” Vickers screams into the void.
“Siri! who is the Republican representative from Omaha, Nebraska”?
“Don Bacon is the Republican representative for Omaha, Nebraska”
Anyway, I’ve had my bit of fun, let’s look at it seriously…ish
Matt Vickers in America was never going to be a significant event, on either side of the pond.
The best that can be said, possibly, is that it’s a contest of…who???
A nobody MP meets a nobody Congressman.
Don Bacon and Matt Vickers.
Nebraska is also the perfect state for Vickers to visit, because just like Teesside very few people would be able to locate it on a map (Sorry fellow Teessiders, I even have to explain where Teesside is in this country).
Similarities don’t end there, no.
Nebraska has the Reuben (it’s a sandwich).
Teesside has the parmo.
Nebraska is also the birthplace of Kool-Aid, of which Vickers must have been partaking, given his staunch defence of Boris Johnson and Brexit.
The column inches that haven’t been written regarding the Deputy Chairman’s visit to Nebraska is quite telling.
It’s almost as if Matt Vickers is invisible.
It’s a theory mind, because I don’t know anyone that has seen him in Thornaby either.
Footnote for Nebraskans
Please accept my sincere apologies for bringing your wonderful state into this, and of course if you were unfortunate enough to meet my MP Matt Vickers.
Apologies also if you had forgotten you did meet him and I have reminded you.
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